Pledge Drive - Intellectual

[Verse 1: Greg, Mandy]

I am living in an extra large box

It's a nice big house with a TV/VCR

Where rats are eating all my earthly possessions

I called the pledge drive, I got the suicide hotline

Life's little moments in an extra large box (Pick it up, pick it up)

Courting controversy in an esoteric field (Put it down, put it down)

Why don't the police ever obey the law? (Pick it up, pick it up)

I don't know anything, you don't know anything (Put it down, put it down)

[Pre-Chorus: Greg]

Statistically likely to be wearing a shirt

A shirt so white and starched you could spill coffee on it

Statistically likely to be trying to stay hydrated

But not that hydrated

No one is mad at me

[Chorus: Greg, Greg & Mandy]

If woke dudes must die, I'll go first

I don't know anything, you don't know anything

If we must dumpster dive, I'll go first

I don't know anything, you don't know anything

And if you think youth has been wasted

On the young and the wasted

And so now one of us has to die, I'll go first

I don't know anything, you don't know anything

[Verse 2: Greg, Mandy]

I am a supergrain, I'm native to Peru

I thrive in the elevations of the Andes mountain range

I am arguably ruining the environment and the local economy

And you can substitute me for bulgur wheat

This mob of teens with sponges is ready to wash your car (Pick it up, pick it up)

I'm standing in the Wendy’s drive-thru screaming "Fuck all the transphobes" (Put it down, put it down) (Sir, this is a Wendy's)

I feel nothing and I'm 14-inches tall (Pick it up, pick it up)

I don't know anything, you don't know anything (Put it down, put it down)

Statistically likely to be wearing a shirt

A shirt so white and starched you could spill coffee on it

Statistically likely to be trying to stay hydrated

But not that hydrated

No one is mad at me

[Chorus: Greg, Greg & Mandy]

If woke dudes must die, I'll go first

I don't know anything, you don't know anything

If we must dumpster dive, I'll go first

I don't know anything, you don't know anything

And if you think youth has been wasted

On the young and the wasted

And so now one of us has to die, I'll go first

I don't know anything, you don't know anything