[Intro: Caddy]

Behold, my children

Caddy is on the mic

[Ollie]

Hey, wait a minute! I was gonna do the intro!

[Caddy]

Well, tough luck, babycakes. This is my video

[Ollie]

Yeah, but you always take the thunder

[Caddy]

Not my fault I'm so conductive

[Ollie]

Oh for God's sake!

[Caddy]

Okay, okay, go ahead

[Ollie]

Thank you. Caddicarus, 2K12. You ready? Let's go!

[Verse 1: Caddy]

In the beginning

God created the heavens and the earth

And in a barn a group of lowly shepherds saw the birth

Of Jesus!

My man, my brother

Wait, how was He born?

I thought He had a virgin mother

'Hark!' the herald angels sing

Behold the Lord, He's everything

Science is far too unreliable

That's why you gotta pay close attention to the

B-B-B-B-Bible!

[Verse 2: Caddy]

New Testament and Old

Every single reading is a legend to be told

Disobey the teachings and you're a failure

Can I get a Hallelujah?!

Thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal

Journey forth and buy that meal deal

Bitch-ass mother, consider yourself smitten

Your soul belongs to me

Oh my God, a wittle kitten!

[Verse 3: Caddy]

The number of pages:

One thousand three hundred

I went to the library

I roared, I thundered

How many books is that?

Don't give me a tricks!

Then she looked up on her data

And she answered, "sixty-six"

Good God!

Well, I guess you can't argue

With £3.99, that is muthafuckin' value!