Now during these hours is a Ashanti Mask as my body cast holding together these withered bones

Now my vineyards have grown but not as an apple orchard

The branches are inward prone sprouting bashful portraits of this abused child

Who was conceived on a swivel chair by perfect strangers

Dressed like three little bears and Mommy's cervix as a manger

Cradling the crude fetus a nude Jesus wearing a pair of shoes Adidas

Doing windmills in a yolk sack when daddy plays the showdance

I fought God when she willed my daughter in to existence pouring distilled water on the pistons of my hot rod

Fueled by youthful vigor and I saw it as a the collision of the Earth and Sun

But it was extinguished, with embryonic fluids in a squirt gun

Now dreading her teen years I go to job interviews wearing a shirt stained with baby vomit

Cleaning her ears with a cotton swab while we're in an inner tube being towed by Hailey's Comet

I'll put her first words in a safety deposit

You can think that I'm irresponsible and unfit

But my Pooh Bear won't leave McDonald's with a full stomach

(Where'd I come from daddy?)

I was (?wailing?) Mommy had Daddy's dick fondled and I come quicker than a gieser of love

I have to install the car seat before I drive the bus

And I was like, this weekend is mine

What's with this runny nose?

What do you mean we can't go to the park?

The school's where all of our money goes?

Her shirt's already too small

Stop yelling, I'm just a dumb man and our child's inherently good

God bless my unplanned parenthood