[Verse 1]

The old man next door says his house is haunted

He says a ghost keeps him awake

I think he's having a hard time, to be honest

Since his darling passed away

But he fears that a phantom has finally found him

Some nemesis that never quit holding a grudge

The old man next door says his house is haunted

It's best to be upfront with some tough love

[Chorus]

I said, "Robert, I'm so sorry, your house ain't haunted

You're just not used to being alone

Robert, all the creaks and shifts are just the sounds ya miss

When you shared your homе."

[Verse 2]

He says, "No, no, no, no no no!

I've had some closе calls with falling items

I'm talking picture frames and dinner plates, and all

All my daily meds, I can never find 'em

They're put in places that I never would have done

And the furniture shifts and it caused me to trip

I wake up with my pillow on my face every night

It sounds silly but this house is trying to kill me!

Will you come see, just stay with me, just stay with me one time!"

[Chorus]

I said, "Robert I'm so sorry, your house ain't haunted

You're just not used to being alone

Robert, all the shifts and creaks are just the signs of grief

Now you're living on your own... but okay, I'll go."

[Verse 3]

I can't help but feel absurd because nothing that I've heard

From the downstairs room

Is of paranormal origin, it's 4 a.m., this poor old man is just confused

But wait...

I hear footsteps on the stairs

They're getting louder and louder above me

They're stomping! I pray it's just Robert

Until I hear him scream my name (Neighbor guy!)

And I go running up the stairs, jumping three at a time!

And I'm fully unprepared for the terrors I will find

I burst into the room and by the light of the moon

It's a ghost that's as real as both me and you!

[Bridge]

It wasn't the butler that he sacked without cause

Or that surly groundskeeper, or that mafia boss

Or his old business partner that he stabbed in the back

Or the ghost of Christmas future, present, or past

And it wasn't the guy from the mishap at the zoo

Or that other guy from the other mishap at the zoo

No, of all the spooky specters Robert wronged in his life

The ghost floating between us was his darling dead wife!

[Chorus]

And she said, "Robert, I'm so sorry, didn't mean to scare ya

I'm just not used to being alone

Robert, you see, death's a one-way street

And I can't find my way back home

Robert, I figured I'd just come getcha

I thought a haunting might do the trick

Robert, I'm sorry, I thought it'd be easier

I don't remember you being this quick."

[Outro]

The old house next door has a sign out front now

A for sale sign tied to a post

So attention shoppers, you can make an offer

On a two bed, two bath, and a ghost