[Thong March]

Thong!

What a delightful gift idea

Thong!

Magical shorts that disappear

Buy your loved one this Noel

The kind of gift he can't resell

Because it kind of smells

If someone else has tried it on

Thong!

You could be dancing cheek to cheek

Thong!

Wiggle the string, play hide and seek

Buy your workmate or your boss

The proctologic dental floss

That really works a hair across

His astronomic bum

Thong!

[Dance of the Sugar Plumber Fairy]

See the repair man go

Tink-a-tink, tink-a-tink, tink-a-tink

Working on the sink

(Bending way down low)

See the big tool belt go

Slippy-slip, slippy-slip, slippy-slip

Sliding down his hip

(Say it isn't so)

See the rear cleavage go

Peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo, peek-a-boo

Cheekies sneaking through

(See ya at so 'n so)

See the plumber

(Doesn't even show)

What a bummer

(Got a dial tone)

Called a number

(On the telephone)

Hire someone else

[Russian Wedgie Dance]

(Lunge!)

Spin around and stretch and lunge

And (leap!)

Do a kick and shake your buns

And fix those wedgies everyone

(Let's go!)

(Twirl!)

Double dip and somersault

Then (split!)

Shuffle back and twist and fall

And fix those wedgies

Fix those wedgies

Let's go people

Fix those wedgies

Cracks are flyin'

Just keep pryin'

And pull

(Pull apart!)

And pull

(Pull apart!)

And pull

(Pull apart those leotards!)

[Waltz of the Teamsters]

Please just say no to crack

When you spot butt crack, attack

If you see a trucker change a tire

Or a cable worker fix a wire

Let him know his bottom line is looking out

Somehow you don't admire it

So everybody, please just say no to crack

Give all those crack backs a sack

If you see a plumber show a breach

Or a tubby hubby on a beach

Sneak right up behind his back and strike a match and drop the burning sulfur right between his cheeks

Because as sure as tax and death surround us

Cracks are all around us

Slacks fall to the ground as

Miles and miles of smiles going up and down

Everybody

(Don't) Be a bum

(Show) You're a chump

(Crack) Get a grip

Fix your drawers

(Take) Every thong

(Them) Right along

(Back) Take 'em back

To the stores

Show some class and

Hide that massive

Astronomic butt crack

(Don't) Gimme no flak

(Show) Cover the crack

(Butt) Gimme the thong

(Crack) Hurry along

Buttcrackers just aren't sweet