[Intro]

I went to a Catholic school for four years

And I also went on GarageBand, uh, for twenty minutes

And this is the product of that

Hit it

[Verse 1]

All the seats at the Sunday masses

Filled with the masses' massive asses

Classes pass as fast as molasses

Ceremonial reading glasses

Read a little bit of Leviticus

All the kids are a little too little for this

All the parents nod in agreement

"I think I can vaguely see what he meant."

It's too early in the morning, glory

To read another allegory story

The father reads a little bit farther

Assuring the assured that they need not bother

When God, in verse forty-five

Said that slaves are okay to buy

He meant that people all from the start

Each have 'slaves' within their hearts:

Things that we have sold or boughten

That are forced to pick our moral cotton

God calls us to set these free

Free our hearts from slavery

And then as God goes on to explain

The logistics of buying and selling slaves

[Interlude]

Uh, he, the Bible's sorta, like, uh... it's like, typos, didn't—

Well, see, uh, the Bible was written by men, and, uh

[Verse 2]

In the back, I sit and I nod

To the beats that are bumping from my iPod

My God, they're starting to pray

And over the music I can hear them say

"Dear God, dear Lord

Dear vague muscular man with a beard or a sword

Dear good, all-seeing being

My way or the highway, Yahweh

The blue-balled anti-masturbator

The great all-loving faggot-hater

I'd like to thank your holy might

For making me both rich and white

And though this is your day of rest

I come to you with one request:

There's so much pain beyond this steeple

Wars and drugs and homeless people

Sadness where there should be joy

Hate and rape and Soulja Boy

A world in darkness needs your light

So I'm sure your schedule's pretty tight

But my dog just had surgery

If you could fix that first?

Jesus"

[Verse 3]

Debra Messing's finger's in a holy place

Hail Mary full of Grace

Obama, could you pass some hope to the Pope?

I know a couple dudes who wanna elope

See the church said nope so the bros can't cope

The bros can grope but the bros can't cope

They've been in love and they've been addicted

Who said they shouldn't? Benedict did

'Cause in the holy land of the Lord

He's the holy landlord and dicks are evicted

'Cause you can be a Benedict

If you've been a dick under Benedict

But you can't have Benedicts

Because there's only one pope with only one dick, what?

What? Yeah, a dick on a pope is

Just like a soap on a rope

'Cause it's pointless, unless in prison

Throw up your bibles, Christ has risen

[Verse 4]

Hallelujah, now it's raining men

Because the gender ratio is one to ten

Winos at the Eucharist station

Trans-gendered-substantiation

Jesus wasn't the Messiah

Get back, I'm a heretic and I'm on fire

It was Oedipus, those holy nights

The holy motherfucking Christ

I'm a blasphemah, post-Katrina

Cruising the marina on a crusade

To cruise aids and blast FEMA

You're too late, we're fucked, we don't need ya

Amen, in the name of

The Father, Son and Holy Ghost

Head, shoulders, knees and toes

Turn up your nose, strike that pose

Hey Macarena