[Verse:]

I’m a performer – the world is a stage

Every conversation I have, every word that I say

Pre-rehearsed inside my mind, while I purposefully try

To get approval from outside It’s an absurd little game

I was conditioned from a young age to performing on command

So I’m always trying to prove that I’m way smarter than I am

When I was barely speaking words and counting on my hands

My father taught me concepts that were hard to understand

I wanted to be seen as someone special and unusual

The steps I missed in my mental development were crucial

When I was in my adolescence feeling free and youthful

I had to go to dinner parties I was introduced to

Lots of aging hippie baby boomers chewing Metamucil

Who were five times older than I was and if I’m being truthful

I was scared. Intimidated. But while disintegrating

On the inside, outside my eloquence was scintillating

But I was only recycling concepts and imitating

Other people I had listened to who gave me inspiration

I learned to be a mimic, a cynic, a critic

An actor, a faker, a parrot, a gimmick

People told me I was smart, which made me arrogant and giddy

But inside I still felt empty, sad, and terrible and shitty

And when I started winning some piano competitions

My family started pressuring, vicariously living

I was performing more ways than one and spinning

Out of control my mental health deteriorated quickly

And I was under pressure and performing every minute

Played the role of tortured prodigy, and I got lost within it

And long before I ever had a drink, I was addicted

To the rush I got from knowing people thought that I was gifted

And growing up with Asperger’s, the social isolation

Made me use my set of acting skills when I was tired of waiting

As a spectator on the side. I used to perform with pride

Studied social customs. Then abandoned all of mine

Learned to play a bunch of roles and switch up all the time

This created identity split and blurred distorted lines

I didn’t even remember who I was inside

That’s the consequence when you’re performing all the fuckin’ time

I was playing different characters to run and hide

Dealing with emotions hot and cold, winter summertime

Pressure makes diamonds, but makes you lose your mind as well

I was a barely formed child trying to find himself

I was broken inside with a shiny shell

Hid behind a beaming smile stuck inside a private hell