Doesn’t Matter - Intellectual

The possibility of someone (or something) being outside her bedroom is something BENEE has touched on in earlier tracks, suggesting that this is a fear that often crosses her mind. When discussing her November 2019 track “Monsta”, BENEE, she shared:

A real fear I have [is] being taken in the night by someone outside my room.

Her July 2020 single “Night Garden” focuses primarily on something lurking outside her room during the night:

Covers right over my toes (Over my toes)
Pillow goes over my head (My head)
I pray that I won’t wake up dead (Wake up dead)
Mmm, feels like someone’s watching me (Mmm)
A man is out there in the trees
Think that’s the reason I can’t sleep

Something in her life may be stressful, but her anxious thoughts about it are just in her head. This is a common dilemma for those who suffer with anxiety and depression, as they try to rationalise their thoughts as being overreacting or not valid.

In mid-2021, BENEE was diagnosed with Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). In a July 2021 interview with Stuff BENEE shared:

I think it’s also definitely got worse in the last couple of years. But having a diagnosis has helped.

OCD is a mental illness in which an individual repeatedly experiences unwanted thoughts or sensations that cause compulsions, behaviours that are conducted in order to shake these thoughts/sensations. In BENEE’s case, this includes counting, frequently checking appliances are off and doors as locked. She told Stuff:

I’ll think that I’m gonna die in a car crash. Every time on a plane, I think that if I don’t count to three, I’m gonna die.

Prior to her diagnoses, some of these thoughts were touched on in BENEE’s songwriting, particularly in November 2020 track “Happen To Me”:

Hope I don’t die inside a plane
I’d like to die a better way

OCD treatment includes medication, which can help alleviate an individual’s obsessions and compulsions. Additionally, BENEE has also struggled with anxiety and depression, which can also be treated with medication.