[Intro]

RAPID, RACI, RATSI… (Whatever)

I don’t care what you call these things,they don’t decide anything at all

What you need to do is straighten out that crooked alignment

[Verse]

There’s a number one blocker in large orgs, there is no denying it, (Nuh, uh)

Bring together two different teams, there’s escalation or alignment, (Call the boss!)

It’s not that they can’t agree on the overall right direction, (My way!)

It’s mostly about each individual team’s prioritization, (Nuh, uh)

Team A needs Team B’s API, but Team C controls the ACLs, (No way)

Team C needs Teams D, E, and F, (Come on!) but F can not be hassled

*Groan*

We rely on a process called RAPID and it’s anything but

Six months fly by while we verbally joust while sitting on our butts

Month 1 we’re arguing about what are the project’s requirements

Month 2 we’re arguing about fast follows for well past my retirement

Month 3 we’re arguing about our date for a date that’s some time in Month 4

Month 5 we’re arguing the scope changed, by Month 6 it changes even more, (Come on, guys!)

And the sad truth is all these problems are "miscommunication", (What’d you say?)

Terms like “platform” or “ownership” lead to discombobulation

*Gas Face sound*

Requests go ignored, PRs unapproved, folks can’t even talk nice

*Phhhlllpppppbbbt*

But just remember you’re on the same team watching the same stock price

*Money cha-ching*

[Bridge: Teddy Roosevelt AWOL]

We are against crooked business, big or little

We are in favor of honest business, big or little

You got that right, Teddy

Now let’s show ‘em how it’s done

[Verse]

Break out the level, time to uplevel, and let’s fall in line together

Crooked alignment’s a feedback loop applying nasty pressure

This is why we engineer our principles no matter what feelings are felt

They help decision-making when things get unexpectedly difficult

Team A needs Team B’s API and the interface is well-defined

Onboarding is self-service, Teams C, D, E, and F pay them no mind

Directly Responsible Individuals lead us to a decider

They’re there to close the gap between teams, not make it any wider

Month 1 we agree that we don’t need any engineering design docs

Month 2 we agree that we can easily work with just UI mocks, (Back of the napkin folks)

Month 3 we agree about our date for launch that’s some time in Month 4

Month 5 we agree on wine at the launch party, by Month 6 we’re counting score

Because we’re part of the same system, we shouldn’t need alignment, we should just align

Worry about just heading forward, you've already left the wrong path behind

Otherwise, you'll still be veering off road, act before it's far too late

Adjust that alignment cross your org until your team is finally straight