[Intro: Ash Chapman]

Good afternoon customers, if you're looking for a bargain, come on down the deli department today for some 50% off fresh raps

That's right customers, we've got half price raps

Seriously, we're trying to get rid of these rappers in our store

Please place items in the swagging area

[Chorus: Ash Chapman]

Go down to Woolies, get a roast chook

Grab a bit of coleslaw so I don't need to cook

If it's got a yellow ticket then I buy a bulk pack

Always use the self serve, don't look back

Two avocados, I could steal that

Scan 'em as onions, put 'em in my bag (It's chеaper)

You can't call it theft if I made a mistakе

Gonna take and bake this bloody great mud cake (Whoopsie)

[Verse 1: Ash Chapman]

Out for a smoke when I'm on my break

Giving old mate some of my spare change (Here ya go)

Have you tried the sushi?

"Yeah, it's great, they make it on-site, that's a top notch trait"

It's five o'clock and I'm stuck behind a truck (Fuckin' dog)

Went before dark and I can't find a park (Fuckin' dog)

Someone left their trolley in my car park (Fuckin' dog)

Which toothpaste do I choose to get plaque out? (I dunno)

Oral B or Colgate, it's all the same

If it's on special, I don't care about the name

But if I spend too much, then it all adds up

And my wife acts up and I'm to blame (Why you spendin' so much?)

Gotta feed the kids

Fresh food peeps are best in the biz (Fresh)

Don't forget your wishlist when you're shopping Christmas

Jesus, Mariah Carey on the radio again, what is this? (Turn that off)

Got so many points on my rewards card

Fresh bread warmer than the lord's ass (Fresh)

But I'm in and out, I don't mess about

Gotta get home, make a pavlova (It's an egg cake)

[Chorus: Ash Chapman]

Go down to Woolies, get a roast chook

Grab a bit of coleslaw so I don't need to cook

If it's got a yellow ticket then I buy a bulk pack

Always use the self serve, don't look back

[Verse 2: Wesda]

Coles cookies are for dumbass rookies (Fuck Coles)

Woolies cookies got me doing the boogie

At the checkout, stolen mince in my hoodie

I'm getting served by my highschool bully (Sally, what are ya doin'?)

You're stuck at Aldi with coins in your trolley (Fuck Aldi)

I'm up at Woolies, my trolley boy stocky (Wow)

Fill up my body with choccies and lollies

Pingin' off homebrand instant coffee

Shit, they're out of milk on the shelf (Oh no)

Quick, go ask a worker for help (Quick)

Hey cobber, can you look out the back for this?

"Fuck off Wesda, I really don't give a shit"

Self serve girl saw me put that garlic through as an onion (Cheeky)

She knows I stole English muffins but she's not a snitchin' cunt

[Chorus: Ash Chapman]

Go down to Woolies, get a roast chook (Chicken)

Grab a bit of coleslaw so I don't need to cook (Coleslaw)

If it's got a yellow ticket then I buy a bulk pack

Always use the self serve, don't look back

Two avocados, I could steal that

Scan 'em as onions, put 'em in my bag (So easy)

You can't call it theft if I made a mistake

Gonna take and bake this bloody great mud cake

[Verse 3: Wesda]

I see my girl Helen, she workin' the service desk (Helen?)

I got a price query, she call up long life to check (Hello?)

She got the wristguard, she follow OH&S

Bought a crusier nextdoor from the BWS

Say I need dozen of free range eggs on the cheap

She tells me all of the specials they've got on this week

She knows her produce, she makes my potatoes leak

She took me to deli and wrapped up my sausage meat

[Chorus: Ash Chapman, Wesda]

Go down to Woolies, get a roast chook

Grab a bit of coleslaw so I don't need to cook

Self serve attendants havin' a sook 'cause I stole Jamie Oliver's recipe book (Jamie baby)

Two avocados, I could steal that

Scan 'em as onions, put 'em in my bag

I'm sick of the Christmas songs over the speaker (Mariah)

Choc eggs on display six months before Easter (It's January)

[Outro: Ash Chapman]

Thank you for shoppin' at Woolworths