[Chorus]

I-I-I just hired myself because I can't make payroll

I said, "Mom, I am the next Jeff Bezos"

One million ARR is not no fake hope

And investors are like, "how's this realistic?" because I say so

I was an entrepreneur the second that I turned eight

You can't get success if you don't want it in the first place

My competition doesn't know business, they know wordplay

They got STD's, that's how they know about the burn rate

[Verse 1]

Tryna sell my SaaS, I might have to sell my ass

Lost my money bootstrappin' now I'm in the lower class

I put vodka in the tank, I couldn't afford the gas

Bitch, call me Amazon Prime the way I'm shippin' fast

Ain't no CTO ChatGPT made this tech

2-clicks from Google ads now I'm fully erect

You think having ops in the street is a flex?

Bro my number 1 op is App Store Connect

Look at my teeth, no Johnny it's just Dang

I immediately turned her off with my tech-founder slang

No coffee; I got three Zinny's in four banks

Working all day, I'm sorry, I can't hang

Self-employed, doing shitty work, I'm gonna fire me

Netflix on all of my breaks, actually piracy

I just sold a company for cash I was in dire need

I had to pay the VC firms to acquire me

[Chorus]

I just hired myself because I can't make payroll

I said, "Mom, I am the next Jeff Bezos"

One million ARR is not no fake hope

And investors are like, "how's this realistic?" because I say so

I was an entrepreneur the second that I turned eight

You can't get success if you don't want it in the first place

My competition doesn't know business, they know wordplay

They got STD's, that's how they know about the burn rate

[Verse 2]

I got no furniture, why the want me to make a cat table

Beat up my co-founder, 'cuz he friggin' ate the last bagel

We got twenty dollars from funding, we're on the tenth round

I ran out of melatonin, I'm usin' fent now

Considering a sex change to say that got female employees, I'm not sexist

Cut me some slack, speaking of slack, did you get the message?

I'm not broke, all my cash is just invested

I don't wanna work, so imma manifest in EXIF

Yeah, 'cuz I'm a tech founder

I tried to put coins in a paper money counter

A little meat on my bones, I'm like a Quarter Pounder

I'm the type to pull up to the club just to molest the bouncer

Bring it back, I know I kinda went off the topic

Imma move my business to a tax haven in the tropics

If you're complaining about being broke, that's just not in

Imma scratch my balls through the hole that's in my pockets