Hey, mom and dad I'm a real dick and I hope you know that

Hey, mom and dad I'm a piece of shit and I hope you know that

Hey, mom and dad I'm a real bitch and I hope you know that

Hey, mom and dad I'm a real... dick, dick

Hey, Samuel I'm a real fuck and I hope you know that

Hey, Charlie I'm a real wuss and I hope you know that

Hey, Caroline I'm a real puss and I hope you know that

Hey, Pierson I'm a real cock and I hope you know that

Hey, Rachel I'm a real pussy ass sissy clown and I hope you know that

Hey, everyone I'm a real sucker and I hope you know that

Hey, extended family I suck a lot of dick

Hey, everybody at school I'm a total piece of shit

Hey, everyone who I didn't mention, fuck me

Hey, everybody I love, fuck me, yeah