The bicycle prostitute peddles her wares

The lecher is groping his way down the stairs

The heckler projects a parcel of rot

The have-not hangs by a half-hitch knot

The medical students are robbing a crypt

The slummer awakes manhandled and stripped

But Constable Scott's in the usual spot:

Asleep in his cot tonight

The strangler untangles his mangled cravat

The governess poisons the pin in her hat

The pantomime buffalo pulls off a heist

The vandal unvеils the Mother of Christ

The shopliftеr sifts through the gifts in her purse

The preacher leaps out from the back of a hearse

But Constable Scott has a beer and a shot

Where the action is not tonight

The rioters retch at the slaughterhouse fire

The bankers and burglars look to conspire

But Constable Scott's unaware of the plot

And he don't care a jot tonight