[Verse 1]

Don't smoke, don't fight, don't light no cigarettes

Or else you'll wind up in the can

No jokes, don't write, sit tight, don't fool around

You are a guest of Uncle Sam

Stand up, look right, don't slouch and stand at ease

Allow no sex above the knees

And when I snap, you jump into the master plan

[Pre-Chorus]

I'll be damned

Well, I'll be damned

[Chorus]

I'll be damned if I drink or smoke

Damned if I steal your joke

I'll be damned if I go for broke

Damned if I do, damned if I don't

[Verse 2]

Don't talk, don't fool, don't try to mess around

I'll make a monkey out of you

You sign your name right on that dotted line

[Pre-Chorus]

Boy, I'll be damned

[Chorus]

I'll be damned if I drink or smoke

Damned if I steal your joke

I'll be damned if I go for broke

Damned if I do, damned if I don't

[Guitar Solo]

[Chorus]

I'll be damned if I drink or smoke

Damned if I steal your joke

I'll be damned if I go for broke

I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't

I'll be damned if I drink or smoke

Damned if I steal your joke

I'll be damned if I go for broke

I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't

I'll be damned

I'll be damned

I'll be damned

[Outro]

I'll be damned

I'll be damned

I'll be damned