It's Newcastle versus Liverpool

Trent has it, surely that's a foul by Gordon

No, Trent has been booked for dissent

Gordon has it, surely that's a second yellow

No, the ref's shat himself and Trent stays on

Salah plays it back to Trent

Oh my, Reece James fanboys will get a hard one watching that

Claire Balding is one-on-one

Goal, Claire Balding scores

And the Newcastle manager is shushing Klopp (er, hello?)

Isak is through, red card! (what?!)

Oh my, Nemanja Vidic fanboys will get a hard one watching that

Where are you going boss?

I mean, Jason?

Going to get the dressing room ready for the team photo of our win

Okay boss, I mean Jason

While he's gone, I think I'll take off our best players

Darwin, Darwin Núñez (¿si?)

He came from the Benfica to the big Reds

It's time I subbed you on for the big reds (¿que?)

Darwin, Darwin Núñez (¿si?)

Es hora de que te ponga para los grandes rojos (¡oh! ¡si! ¡si!)

Darwin, Darwin Núñez

He came from the Benfica to the Reds bench

It's frightening with him and Luis Díaz (díaz?!)

There's nobody else like Darwin Núñez

Pete Boc!

Darwin, Darwin Núñez

He came from the Benfica to the big Reds

It's frightening with him and Luis Díaz

There's nobody else like Darwin Núñez

Jesus Christ

You're almost as tone-deaf as Man United's press release on Mason Greenwood

Oh (ha!)

Luckily for you, Darwin is here to save the day yet again

Metronome, tuning fork

For me? (para ti)

Let's try this again, in time and in tune

1, 2, 3, 4

Darwin, Darwin Núñez

He came from the Benfica to the big Reds

It's frightening with him and Luis Díaz

There's nobody else like Darwin Núñez