[Verse 1]

Don't wanna surf today and I

Don't wanna skate

Just wanna stay home and

Masturbate

My older brother

He took away my porn

Who should I think about

I am truly torn

I'm a masturbating junkie

Love to go and

Spank my monkey

Well there's

Queen Amidala

And Princess Leia

Seven of Nine

And Lara Croft

I wanna nail ya

Buffy the Vampire Slayer

And the blue chick from Avatar

Jessica Rabbit

Spread eagle in my car

Looking at that blue caboose

Makes me want to milk my moose

[Chorus 1]

I'm jerkin' off! (jerkin' off!)

Jerkin' off! (jerkin' off!)

Jerkin' off! (jerkin' off!)

Jerkin' off! (jerkin' off!)

[Verse 2]

Reading my comic books and I've got an issue

All the hot comic chicks

I need more tissue

Mystique's so hot and mean

I bet She-Hulk's vadge is green

Put my books in bags and boards

Before I get 'em sticky

When every Wednesday comes around

I go back home and punch the clown

The elf chick Arwyn

Bounce a ring off her ass

If you don't make eye contact

You can jerk it

To Legolas

And I must admit

Caprica Six

She is the shit

And I like Starbuck

With extra whipped cream

On B.S.G. they pulled the plug

I still get down and tug the slug

[Chorus 2]

I'm jerkin' off! (jerkin' off!)

Jerkin' off! (jerkin' off!)

Jerkin' off! (jerkin' off!)

Jerkin' off! (jerkin' off!)

I've gotta take a break

I'm starting to chafe!

[Guitar Solo]

[Verse 3]

Tv's got agent Scully

And Olivia from Fringe

Marge Simpson

I'd like to see her minge

Leela from Futurama

Lois from Family Guy

Cheetara from Thunder Cats

Like to see

Her cat eye

Tired of my jaw yakkin'

Time to go release the Kraken

[Chorus 3] X 2

Jerkin' off! (jerkin' off!)

Jerkin' off! (jerkin' off!)

Jerkin' off! (jerkin' off!)

Jerkin' off! (jerkin' off!)