Vent Diary + - Intellectual

[part 1, Valentines Grinch]

Might just be the Grinch cause I'll steal your heart

Like gifts then break it

All my vibes I'm faking

Bouncing off you because I'm vacant

Wish I could've changed it

Honestly wish I could've changed me

When I try I always start aching

Hands feeling shaky

Panic from the trust then I have to zip it up

To keep myself safe

To keep myself rot

I don't know who I am anymore

I can't text or call but I'll try and I might just fucking

Get up

Dust myself off

Try so we can keep going

Bring flowers with my soul to your doorstep

Spill my guts on the floor let me be sad

My life is a chore and that is that

I only want you more which means that

If I can't feel for me then I can't feel for you

And it only hurts becausе I wanna love you

But I can't and I don't know why

God I wish I could fucking cry fuck

Wish I could change the past

If I'm rеally kinda being brash

I've been backstabbed

By lovers and loved ones

Who all lied alike all my life

Fuck I might

Be the grinch cause I'll steal your heart

Like gifts then break it

No matter how pretty

How silly

How fucking lovely you are to me

We won't make it

[Part 2, ALONE]

Kill yourself

Cut yourself

Kill yourself

Cut yourself

Kill yourself

Cut yourself

Kill yourself

Cut yourself

Kill yourself

Cut yourself

Kill yourself

Cut yourself

Feel so alone I

Feel so Alone (está muy oscuro aquí)

What the hell is wrong with me

I feel so lost, so who is me?

I feel so empty in my mind

I want to take it out and die

Feel so alone these nights

I feel like I never even lived to begin

Who am I? I should end it

What do you want from me

I can never make you happy

I'm sorry but it's all I can be

It's who I am, not sorry

Manipulate me, watch me fall into the creek

I know you hate me

So watch how hateful I can be

You are worth nothing

Fuck you

You are with nothing

Fuck you

You are worth nothing

Fuck you

You are worth nothing

Fuck you

You are worth nothing

Fuck you

You are worth nothing

Fuck you

You are worth nothing

Fuck you

You are worth nothing

Fuck you

[Part 3, ALONE PT 3]

Alone

I am alone

Alone

Alone alone

We live our lives alone and

We will all die alone and

We live our lives we're all alone

Alone, alone

We're all alone

Alone, alone, alone

Alone

Alone we're all alone

Alone

[Part 4, ALONE pt 4]

I can't

I can't feel this pain anymore

I now feel insane more and more

I take this blade to my skin

And I bleed

I bleed

I can't feel the sways of love anymore

The ghost never comes to my brain anymore

I deserve to be alone

Alone

There's no reason to think anymore

Give in take a drink then drink more and more

Can't help but feel I've been here before alone

Alone

(Millions are dead because you lied)

(My friends are dead because you lied)

(You need to apologize, apologize)

[Part 5, Sleep Deprivation]

Yeah, yeah, yeah

I'm dead like death my nigga

Can't feel my chest or rest my nigga (fuck)

I really wanna think less my nigga

Wishing life was more painless my nigga (fuck)

Feel like my heart is cold

Feel like I should be bones

I feel like my soul is old my nigga

But this is the path I chose

Can't remember why I'm still pathing streets I roam

They say there's no place like home

But any place feels more like home than home

I think I need a new place to go I think I need a new home

Think I need to find new bros

Maybe I should buy new clothes

Maybe I should end it all

Maybe I should throw my phone

Fuck

I can't think right

And honestly I can't sleep at night

No use in putting up a fucking fight

No point to life if we fucking die

They don't care if you fucking cry

They don't care if I suicide

It don't affect them so really

They couldn't even care for my fucking life

You only worth what you make

You only worth what they think

You only worth feeling hate

You only feel what they say

You only are what you think

They're clouding your mind so you sink

Deeper into the pits of the fucking drink

Till you become pissed and you hate

And the cycle repeats every fucking day

"Like I can feel myself regress into a different mindset..."

"Like being more depressed..."

"And it's not you that makes me depressed it's

Just I fully give into the feeling of hopelessness again..."

"I feel like after that convo we had till it was like 5AM for me..."

"Wasn't the current me..."

"I don't even know bro

I want you in my circle but I can't keep you in it..."

"If i start changing back

Into the mindset That Keeps me from improving how I want"

[part 6, Leave me alone, Edited (cover of: All You Need To Know)]

Just wanted to record a quick message

Just to show that I don't give a fuck about any of these niggas

I don't give a fuck about none of you niggas

I don't give a fuck about any of you bitches

I'm on my own

I said I'm on my own

I don't give a fuck

Yeah yeah

[Instrumental]

Now you know about me

So leave me the fuck alone and never talk to me again

All y'all niggas bitch ass niggas

Keep me the fuck away

[Part 7, I left my soul in Vegas]

My neck feel strain

My head is spinning

Thinking too much bitch

I'm overloading off the stains

Like bloody paints

Can't pretend my canvas ain't been the same

Dinner plate

Eating truth up with my doubts

On the side

Sike I lied

I ain't ate since I ain't happy with my life

She's fucking up my seems (wait fuck)

Ancient thoughts that screams (why)

All my friends are fake (die)

I could die right now (I will)

They won't make a sound (no)

Pages wrote of how (no)

I've been feeling now (no)

I lay you to sleep with me inside your dreams

Replaced and killed again

Rebound then left again

Get clean then cut again

Be mean and die again

Replaced and killed again

Rebound then left again

Get clean then cut again

Be mean and die again

I can't trust none of you fuckers

Ima die make sure you outed as busters

Blood of my soul on your hands

Skin moldy black I rot as I stand

I can't trust none of you fuckers

Ima die make sure you outed as busters

Blood of my soul on your hands

Skin moldy black I rot as I stand

"I already feel like shit from these past two weeks."

"With my relationship coming to and end

School being stressful

And people straining the last bit of sanity I have left..."

"I don't know what to do anymore..."

"I don't wanna die but I feel like it's all I have left to choose..."

"My heart aches so bad my arms are going numb

And I'm starting to feel nothing again"

[Part 8, Im starting to give up]

So why do I try

I just fucking hate my life

All the stars in the sky

Make me feel like a lie

So why do I try

I can't even go outside

She has her hands gripped tight

My soul fades from my eyes

From my eyes

Why do I try anymore

I just wanna die some more

All the hope

That she gives me makes my eyes sore

I can't sleep in the night watch the timing soar

I keep my wrist like a tally to add up the score

So why do I try

I just fucking hate my life

All the stars in the sky make me feel like a lie

I can't even go outside

She has her hands gripped tight

"I tried to kill my emotions

But was too consumed by them to do so..."

"And just said fuck it

Figured I'd probably get another chance..."

"And then thought about

How the same thing will probably happen again and loop over"

[Part 9, Yellow & Black Hearts 2: Forgotten]

Yellows back but

Black seems lost

Black cut back to days when he was gone

Life is changing no one can stop

We'll be forgotten like those of old

Building of grass and house of mold

The winds grows strong and the waves are bold

Don't cry now there's no point in being sad

Trees that sway like words in the breeze

Nothing matters not even the bees

"Can't make anyone happy I'm selfish and useless..."

"And also a terrible friend, girlfriend, daughter

Sister everything I leave people at their worst..."

Yellow cut back from the wrist to the elbow

Black cocked back and sent himself to hell oh

We'll be forgotten like those of old

Buildings of grass and house of mold

"Cause whenever I do something

My dads first instinct is to take everything away from me"

[Part 10, I hate myself.]

Devils eye

Mmm-Mmm

I'm married to the devil bitch keep satan on my fucking ring

Got demons strapped up on my wrist they never have abandoned me

This life a loan and happiness is just inside your fantasy

Let truth seep in and realize just how fucked up life can really be

How fucked up life can really be

All you do is you assume that you is who's way better than me

Destiny, empathy we all die eventually

Why should I cry loss of life when we all die eventually

Devils eye

Mmm-Mmm

Married to the devil bitch keep satan on my fucking ring

Demons stay strapped to my wrist they'll never ever abandon me

Cause when there's no one left and knowing

You can't trust your family

You turn inward cause you yourself yeah you can never ever leave

But what happens when that's not safe anymore

What happens when you're not safe anymore

What happens when trying to stay becomes a chore

What happens when the demons preach to kill yourself more

And then the end will come and you will repeat the cycle once more

Repeat it all once more

[Part 11, I will do anything however heinous if it will come fill up the hole where my pain is]

Manipulate

Amputate

Waste away

Such a mistake

I feel emotions of missing attention

Mistaken for remnants of missing affection

Try all you'd like but results are resentment

Used like some new shoes I'm better off not mentioned

I say I love you and I really mean it

But then I miss treat you I feel like a demon

I lie and say that I'm not gonna leave

And I hope you feel comfort inside my new pretense

A cannibal eating away all my feelings

I'll make you just like me so you might get eaten

I will do anything however heinous

If it will come fill up the hole where my pain is

I'm selfish and useless and play like the victim

I'm horrid, unloyal my actions are sickness

(My actions are sickness)

I wish I could change the way that I was

I wish I knew for sure this was love

I wish I could stay with you for the rest of your life

But chances are we won't be talking by the end of tonight

God I'm a fuck up man why do I do this

I could end it all now this pipe in my right hand

I wanted to tell you that I'm truely sorry

I'm toxic and shitty I'll blow my head off me

Put an end to my life so you'll forgive me

Put the thought in a song so I keep kicking

I need some help I need me some therapy

I don't feel safe to be honest, I'm scared of me

To be honest, I'm scared of me

I don't feel safe to be honest, I'm scared of me

To be honest, I'm scared of me

[Part 12, Loona.Mp3]

"I can smile when I'm around people

But alone I just feel empty you know?"

"I don't really feel anything like all my emotions is gone"

"And I have nothing to feel

Like if I can feel anything I feel numb"

"I don't know what to do to help it either"

"I don't wanna talk to family or friends

Because I don't want them to worry"

"But if I don't talk to anyone

How am I gonna get rid of the feeling?"

"I don't know if getting a girlfriend will help me"

"I just hate on others people happiness

Because me myself, am not happy"

I push my head way past the line

I can't control what is mine

My life has crumbled and it died

So why am I what's left alive

If I should fail like I've always done

Then what's the point I'm the useless one

You sit with me and you hear my plead

You're the only one concerned if I bleed

So I'll break me down and you'll come with me

On a trip through my old memories

And through the fall we'll have it all

You'll take a dive into my seems

Together we part my mental sea

And when you see that enemy

That pours daunting thoughts back into me

I'm sure you'll leave

And you'll always tell me

That I never really meant anything at all

And everything's always been my fault

And I'll lock me down

So no one can see that I've become everyone's enemy

[Part 13, Self Destruct]

All you need to stop it

Bitch dropping

When I cock

Pop my head

No options

Gone bitch I'm gone bitch

Stop it can't stop it

I'm settled bitch

Grip my kettle bitch burry me with all my metals bitch

Please stop it you can drop it

You don't really care

You don't think it's fair

Options? What options

Stomping thoughts stomping

Death knocking

He wants in not gonna stop him

I'm gone in

Lavender town fit in with the crowd

Wear a crown topped with big regrets

Better yet bring some cigarettes

We'll keep further rotting over

Till it start again

Fourth leaf clover I'm a hoper that one day I'll resurrect

Bum, bum, bum, bum blow my brains out

Pink like gum gum

Take my pain out

Fade away into the night

I follow the light

Alister acts as my guide

He's my favorite guy

Die, I have really died

Nothing left inside

My demise

Cause of suicide

I can't enjoy life

No goodbyes

I hope I weigh you down

I hope you break inside

Know that I

Hope you cry

From the afterlife

More need I say no more

Life is just a chore

Bored

Out my mind blood leaking from my thighs

Signs of future actions ignored by the like

Eighty percent I join with gleam in eyes

Note on the floor just so you can know why

Rest inside the ground I won't go to sky

Lavender town is for children like I

After all the ghost trainer is here to transport ghost type Pokémon

Ghost type Pokémon? No one else?

Only someone like me

[Part 14, Ecstasy]

Out of the dark he found a road

To quietly walk alone

Out of the days he learned to know the call comes after the

Out of the dark he found a road

To quietly walk alone

Out of the days he learned to know the call comes after the

Out of the dark he found a road

To quietly walk alone

Out of the days he learned to know the call comes after the storm

Sit back and watch the rain

Breath out before tomorrow

Slow down before you break and you're cast aside

Open my eyes man why am I here

Everyday I'm living in fear

My eyes solid grey my souls fades away no love for my peers

(Why)

No love for myself

Main pain to my health

I'm failing my grades with no growth in my wealth

I've rotten away

Brain trapped in decay

Might sink in the bay

Make my pain disappear

Why (why, WHY)

Why, (why, WHY)

Out of the dark you found a road

To quietly walk alone

Out of the days you learned to know

The calm comes after the storm

Out of the dark you found a road

To quietly walk alone

Out of the days you learned to know

The calm comes after the storm

Like literally her birthday, it's so weird

And like I've just been like messaging everyone

I don't know why Molly gets me like I don't know

Like your feelings come out

You tend to like you catch up

It's like special feelings when you're on molly

I guess yeah I guess I don't know anyways

[Part 15, I h8 (f) U/ I HATE YOU]

Excuses, excuses I got to know

The truth and the loose ends you won't unfold

The memories what you said inside my skull

Would you even care if my pulse had gone cold

The longest page inside my death note

Dedicated to a fucking dead hoe

You're living and breathing and loving your life

And I'm sitting here cutting with tears in my eyes

I don't want you back inside of my life

I don't want you to know who I decide to be

I don't want you to know anything about me

Cause I fucking hate you